Empathy.  Do you not at times need to go through what someone else has gone through–to walk in another’s shoes–to understand them from their position?  At times this cannot be done simply through mind projection.   At times you are given the full-blown experience and you come out a changed person – more compassionate, more empathetic, more understanding.  Is it necessary to suffer?  Not at all.  Simply see the inherent lessons in what you are experiencing and apply it to others and your interactions with them.