What purpose serves a grave if the body is only a vessel for the soul?  What purpose serves an urn?  It provides a place or an object to focus one’s thoughts—a focus for one’s prayers or memories.  It is meaningful for some to go to a grave or a place where ashes were scattered and to honor a life, but know that you can do that anytime and anywhere and those focused thoughts draw your loved one to your side.  Memories are good, but they can also trigger unpleasantness.  Focus on the love you have for your loved one now.  They are always in your heart, here and now.  Honor them if you like by visiting a grave or touching an urn, but honor them even more by acknowledging this true presence with you as you do so.  The physical presence may be gone, but they are as present as ever as you honor them merely by saying aloud or in your thoughts, “I love you.  Thank you for loving me.”