Clinging

🥰

nooooooo! 😔 sigh. some days are more malleable than others… luckily! 🙏

wish I could convince my sons of this. Unfortunately they live in a world where the past leads them around. Especially my oldest son. It breaks my heart to watch them suffer but I realize that I have to only set an example for them and when I pass I have to do what my husband did with me when he passed and that’s by appearing in 2 very vivid dreams first like “What dreams may come” when Chris first passed away and he was in and out. that was how the first dream went. But the second dream I heard the front door open and close and I walked in to see both of my sons standing there and a man with long dark hair with bright blond tips and when he turned around to face me I realized it was my Wesley. I ran up and I got to hug him and look in his beautiful sparkling blue eyes. And then I woke up in the hospital and I knew for sure he was gone. the next evening my son got here from McAlester Oklahoma I live in Tulsa. and when he found the door locked and nobody answered he climbed onto the balcony and found him sitting against the wall where he slid down to a sitting position right in front of the chair where I broke my leg with a nose bleed. I later found out he died of fentanyl toxicity. When I fell and broke my leg he was helping me up and he thought it was his fault. I told him it wasn’t I told him it wasn’t anything but bad luck that my knee twisted and I let go of him and fell on my heel and broke the thigh bone. but when I left on the stretcher his face was covered in tears and he was in despair. I told him please don’t do anything stupid! but 15 minutes later whenever I got to the hospital I dropped my cell phone and tried to call him and I got a strange voicemail message. It said “The subscriber you’re trying to reach has a voicemail that has not been set up yet.” but my husband’s voicemail had been set up for a couple of years because he had gotten the phone a couple of years before that.I try it again thinking maybe my phone dialed a different number but I kept getting the same message over and over and I knew that something was wrong. all night Saturday night all day Saturday I got the same and I couldn’t get the hospital to send the police to do a welfare check and my phone was dead. And then Sunday early in the morning I had the first dream where he was barely there and fading in and out of existence and then he just disappeared and I couldn’t find him in my dream. and later on that morning around 10:00 or 11:00 I woke from a nap because I was pretty well medicated. And that was when I had the second dream of him standing in the kitchen facing away from me and then turning around and me seeing those sparkling blue eyes and knowing it was him! and I remember yelling “Oh my God you’re here!” and running to him and hugging him and feeling his arms around my waist. I woke the next few minutes with tears on my cheeks and more to come because my heart knew he was gone! Since then I’ve had a few times when I’ve meditated and asked for him to prove that he’s still with me and that night I had dreams that I remember of him for three nights in a row.So I know he’s here with me now and watching over me and waiting for me to come home.