When connecting with loved ones who have passed, intention is far more important than you may think.  Do not think.  Be.  Be in a state of coherence, with heart and head matched in vibration, heart beating calmly, mind clear.  Intend to make the connection.  Do not wish haphazardly.  Are you trying hard?  Stop.  That is counterproductive.  Relax.  You cannot be coherent when trying.  Intention is peaceful and comes with trust.  This is a practice.  Grief, fear, doubt, worry all decohere.  Now you have the keys.  In time, you will have the experience you seek, yet the paradox is, the connection takes place outside of time.